dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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