i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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