its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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