Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize