i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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