I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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