did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
