Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
