He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize