My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I believe in your delicious
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize