It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize