that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
