suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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