yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
