How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Where is the hickey?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize