I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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