I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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