Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
thus making me awesome and them whores
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
