there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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