HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
