she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize