Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
