Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dicks are not precious.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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