just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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