I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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