my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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