I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
