remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
