you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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