i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
