Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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