i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
