My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
