dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize