.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
