I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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