my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
