just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
