Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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