I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
