I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize