we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize