you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
