You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
