I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize