yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize