How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
