remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
