What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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