i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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