She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
