i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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