I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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