he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
