we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
