I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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