im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Your dad touched me again.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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