mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
