Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
