Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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