my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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