well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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