Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
