that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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