guys are only as good as the porn they watch
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
