my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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