I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
