I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
