yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
