You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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