Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
