there's paper in my vomit.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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