can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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