I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
