You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
