The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
