I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize