Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
