She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
