Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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