wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
