had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
