he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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