I can't breathe out the right side of my face
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
