Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
