He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apparently you make a good broom.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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