im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
