He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish you could order shots online.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The air was thick with penises
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize