I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
