Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
