when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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