You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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