those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
