you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
