watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
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