She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When did angry sex become our thing?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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