know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
